Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
