After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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