you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Church boner. Awkwardddd
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
