I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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