I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
