i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
