capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
