I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
