im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
