Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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