I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I think my moral compass just broke
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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