im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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