he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Randomize
