I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
