its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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