Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
