He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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