3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
You can't motorboat a personality
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
