Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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