PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize