Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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