I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Randomize
