I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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