Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
