Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I had to cum in my sink.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
