You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
So much rum. So many feels.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
