ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
