Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
