I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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