why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
