He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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