omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
well most of my day revolves around power hour
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
