the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
