So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
