If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
40s are totally the cure
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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