that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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