I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
