Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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