Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
even my farts smell like vagina
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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