Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
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I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
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Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.