my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.