if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!