I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
21 Times Karma Showed These People Not to Mess Around
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.