sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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