everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
