so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
