Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
