I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
