i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Less talking, more tequila
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Randomize
