let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Randomize
