if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
nutella sex= disaster
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
