i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
