you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Couch. On fire.
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