Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
