haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
