Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I just got carded by a ten year old.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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