plz talk dirty to me
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
