Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Randomize
