Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
