There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
