We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
