there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
