I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
