Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Randomize
