With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
