you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
