i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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