please come you make the beer taste better
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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