I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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