For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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