She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
