I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
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