Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
