his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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