There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
