I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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