i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
