Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
