Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
