Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Randomize
