Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize